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Thursday, 11 June 2009

  • What do you suppose your soul looks like?

    Without my body to carry my soul, my soul is invisible.

    It is the feeling of warmth you get, like a hug, right when you needed it the most.

    It is the undeniable feeling that you are not alone, just when you need a companion.

    My soul is invisible, see through, transparent. Without my body, it is merely an unseen force. But it is in no way weak or unable.

    Long after my body is gone, it is my soul that people will remember and my soul that will bring my memory back when they forget.
       

    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

  • How honest are you?

    I always tell my boys to be honest. Then they point and say "Mommy, look at the fat lady with the cute dog!" and I hush them and scurry away thoroughly embarrassed.

    I have always been much too honest. A friend once told me that using the words, "Not to hurt your feelings" was a sign of lying. It means that people really do want to hurt your feelings. But that isn't true for me. If I say something like that, I am just covering my ass. I know I don't want to hurt your feelings but I also know that whatever I am about to say probably will hurt your feelings. I can control it more if you are a stranger, but if you are my friend, I will probably hurt your feelings a couple times. I think that makes me a good friend though. Would you want your friend to lie to you?

    It's been a problem since I was just a child. I always say what I am thinking before I think about what I am saying. So, after an unfortunate incident when I was 22, I took up a new philosophy so to speak. "Some things are better left unsaid". But this didn't work for me either. My husband and I used to fight terribly! He would ask me something, it could be anything, and I would think about what my answer was going to be and how it would make him feel. If it could be conceived as hurtful, I would just reply, "Some things are better left unsaid". But then my husband would follow me around demanding to know what the hell was so bad that I wouldn't tell him. I would refuse. After a few hours, we would fight and make up, and then he would again ask me what I didn't want to say. I would tell him and he would get mad! Damn it! Didn't I warn him ahead of time?

    So I gave lying a shot. But I don't believe in "white lies". If you're going to lie, better to just make it a whopper. A lie is a lie, after all. Better to at least make sure it is a good one. The problem with this is if I told a big lie, people thought I was being wise. I really wasn't! I was just trying to stay out of trouble with my big mouth, and it clearly back-fired again. And then I had to keep up with the lies. I had to remember that I told Suzy her new hairdo was "just awesome", so I didn't accidentally mention the giant bald spot on the back of her head the next time I saw her. Of course, that would be fine if I thought before I spoke. But alas, I do not. So the next time I saw Suzy, I would inevitably ask her how in the world she could sleep right through her 4 year old cutting a bald spot into her head.

    So it seems honesty really is the best policy. Now-a-days, I just stick to telling people what I am thinking. I don't have a very big friends network, but those who have befriended me, love me just the way I am. And those who haven't befriended me? Well, I totally understand why.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

  • Rape by any other name.....

    ...isn't rape.

    The definition of rape is as follows:

    1. the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
    2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.
    3. statutory rape.
    4. an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.
    5. Archaic. the act of seizing and carrying off by force.

    Disclamer: I know rape can happen to men just as it can happen to women, so while I am using the rape of women in the following, I am aware that men can be raped too. But I wonder....If a man has to get hard in order to be raped (by a woman.....smart ass), then can a man really be raped by a woman? Sexually anyway?

    I know rape is a serious thing. I am a woman. I get that. But where do we draw the line? Where do women get carried away with crying rape?

    If you voluntarily choose to have sex with someone, and then change your mind 10 minutes into it, do you have that right? What about rights for men? How long, after you tell a man to stop, would you expect him to pull out? Does he get time to process such a request? Certainly his mind is at least semi-focused on the task at hand, right? At what point is there no turning back?

    I know some of the women out there are really getting offended. You're probably arguing that this is our body and if we say stop, the man should stop. I'm all for "no means no". But I cannot indulge letting a man get as far as penetration, and then being expected to stop on demand. Men have needs too. It is their body too. Certainly, if you are in pain, the man you are with should be respectful enough to stop. FOR MORAL REASONS. But should it be considered rape if he doesn't stop after you have gone this far with him? I am really on the fence about this one.

    If we got to know our partners well before we went this far with them, it might not be as much of an issue. But many times, this doesn't happen. If women are allowed to cry rape every time a man behaves like a man, then men might be better off finding themselves a warm apple pie instead of a woman. We have to draw the line somewhere. It has already been established that no matter what you are wearing or how you are behaving, if you say no and a man takes what he wants, it is rape. My concern comes in when we can behave in compromising ways, right down to allowing sex to begin without saying no, and then suddenly deciding we don't want to. Unless there is an obvious reason such as pain, and even then it is a moral issue, I think that should be considered abuse to expect a man to stop after he has been allowed to go that far. It seems only fair.

    Rape is intercourse obtained through physical force or duress. If you allowed him to start the process, it isn't rape if he can't hop off and make breakfast because you changed your mind. 



  • Dear Cheating Husband,

    Do you really think I am this stupid? Or are you just this cowardly? I may not be able to prove it right now but I know. I know there is someone else. I forgave you once. When I get the proof, (because you will fuck up...cheaters always do), I don't think I will be able to forgive you this time. In 9 years, I have accused you only once, 8 years ago, and I was right. I am far from stupid, I just need to know 100% that I am right in my suspitions. 

    I hate feeling like your hand job on a rainy day. I hate knowing that the love you fail to show me, is probably being shown to her and you just don't have enough to go around. I am sad and I am angry. And you're lying to me too? Words do not do justice to the disgust I am feeling. I trusted you.

    Who is she? I wish I knew so I could warn her. Of course that would be pointless. She would ignore me. Does she know me? Do I know her? I'm just trying to ratio scumbag vs cheating S.O.B. Hmmm.

    I don't understand why you wouldn't just leave? Is it your fear of doing your own laundry? Or is it the kids? Oh, right, in your cowardice you have forgotten that you have children. Give it up, ladies and gentleman, for Father of the year!

    Is it the thrill of the hunt or the thrill of the kill? How many lies do you have to tell her to get her to sleep with you? I really hope she is worth it, because I won't be here when you are done with her.

Tuesday, 09 June 2009

  • On Men, Women & Stress

    I started reading this book called Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress. It's a really good book. It's all about improving your relationship by understanding how stress affects men and women differently, and how each sex can cope. It makes so much sense, I just had to share it here.

    Scientifically speaking, men need just the right levels of testosterone and women need just the right levels of oxytocin to help them relieve stress, but the way men and women achieve those levels are entirely different. Where men must replenish their testosterone levels by relaxing at the end of the work day, women replenish oxytocin by getting their needs met or feeling loved and cared about. Men and women recharge these vital hormones differently, but both men and women alike, relieve stress when these hormones are produced. This coupled with other hormone production, and a difference in brain development in men and women, help to explain why men and women communicate differently, solve problems differently, and behave differently in arguements.

    John Gray talks of women "keeping score" and how that effects her oxytocin levels, as well as the effect it can have on a males testosterone levels. He encourages women to take care of themselves, doing things for themselves that will help their oxytocin levels remain manageable. He speaks of how men often make us feel like they aren't listening by offering solutions, and tells them ways they can listen and respond to help them communicate with us. The examples given throughout the book are so dead on, I was actually left wondering if they had a camera hooked up in my house somewhere.

    Even if you cannot get your husband or SO to read this book, you should take the time to read it yourself. Really, if nothing else, it will help you maintain your own oxytocin levels. John Gray stresses in this book that a man can only be held responsible for filling about 10% of those levels. The rest, women maintain with thier friendships and activities throughout the day. The way I am wording it may make it sound a little bit uneven, but it isn't. Just as a woman has to maintain some of this on her own, John Gray guides men in how they can do "the little things" that truly matter to women. Great book. Great Advice. Easy to read, and even funny.

HeyM0mxTwo

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    • Name: Belinda
    • Birthday: 2/14/1978
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 5/12/2009

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About Me

  • Mom of 2 boys and Step mom to a teenage girl. Likes: Writing, reading, music, children, the beach, my husband. silence. Dislikes: Ignorant people, mushrooms, seafood, really hot weather, really cold weather, No child left behind act.

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  • I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant
  • The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.        Sir Richard Francis Burton
  • If you take care of your character, your reputation will take care of itself.

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    Where: Poughkeepsie, NY When: 2002 Damian Alexander is born a healthy baby boy! (imported from memories)
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    Where: Hazleton PA When: 2007 Brandon Charles is born a healthy baby boy! (imported from memories)